Sunday, February 19, 2012

a post for 02.13.2012 – two years

there are so many things I wanted to write on Monday, February 13th … things that I just simply couldn’t put into words on that day … I was completely consumed by emotion … overwhelmed actually … I have no idea even today what words to use to describe how life feels right now with Alan gone

what I do know is this:
we are fine
the boys are healthy
they are happy and smart and fun
just like their dad Smile
we are living
we are planning for the future
we miss him terribly
life must go on

last year the days leading up to the first anniversary of his passing were painful … horrible … and then on the actual day, it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it might be … as I look back now, I know that by the time February 13, 2011 rolled around, I was already emotionally drained … sucked dry … I had nothing more to release

this year caught me off guard – I knew not to plan anything for that day – the boys and I visited Alan’s grave site on Sunday after church – we all enjoyed being there with each other – just us

when Monday came, we got ready for our day, school, work etc. and life was normal … after I dropped off both boys and was alone with my thoughts, the tears came … and stopped for only brief periods throughout most of the day – I tried to work, but lasted under an hour – my sweet friend Julie took me to lunch, so I escaped for a short while – I had a massage scheduled, but it didn’t help – it was merely a break from the pain

the only thing that can make me feel “better” is Alan coming back to our family – since I’m sure God’s mysterious ways don’t work quite like that, I’ll have to wait a while to see him again

P8120127

and life goes on …

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this is something I discovered today courtesy of CaptureYour365 … this is an amazing look at where we are as a society from one artist’s point of view … and what we pay attention to … I hope it makes you think at the very least … enjoy:









this made me think about the actions we take each and every day just at home … what we consume … what we throw away and how we could consume differently …

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Im scrapping this weekend my therapy Smile 
it’s a beautiful thing!!

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